And you taught me what this feels like. And then how it feels to lose it. And you showed me who I wanted. And then who I wasn't. And you ticked every box. And then drew a line. And you weren't mine to begin with. And then not to end with. And you looked like everything I wanted. And then became something I hated. And you get thought of every day. And then not in a good way. And you let me leave. And then wish I'd stayed. And you almost killed me. But I didn't die.

I followed another man
Down the rabbit hole.
You would think I would learn—
Remember what this darkness
Was like last time, but I never do.
I wanted to believe things could
Be different, that I could end up
Sitting for days at his desk chair
In a white dress, and that he would
Bathe me when it was all over.
Take care of me.
Then we would have
Our happy ending, but
We never did
And I ended up in a room
By myself with echoing fragments
Of all my loudest mistakes to
Fill my ears with, keeping
Me company. He never meant
To hurt me but I feel the sting
Of his absence like the confirmation
Of every fear I’ve ever had about
My own inadequacy.
And I remember the reasons
I never wanted to place one man’s
Importance over another.
I never wanted to be left
Again like this. Alone.
With small hands, a loud
Mind, and too much space
Between my body and sleep.
I tell myself that I am not
Alice in Wonderland any longer.
The dream of his touch
Is over.
It’s time to wake up.

—"The Dream Of His Touch" by Radha Kistler {radhakistler.com} (via floatinginthethoughtstreams)

Develop morals and rules that you should live your life abiding by. If someone threatens to break down your walls, use your morals to defend yourself. If you don’t want a guy to touch you, say no without further explanations. If you don’t want to drink, say no without further explanations. If you don’t want to smoke, say no without further explanations. Your morals are who you are, no one that cares about you should ever dream about stripping you away from who you are or alter you to their satisfaction. Know what you want. Go get it. Know who you are. Don’t let anything or anyone change that.

—the girl that knows it all… (via endlessmulla)

A few months ago someone asked me where my home was and I thought about being tangled in your sheets on a Sunday morning
and when I was asked to define safety, I almost told them I had never felt safer than I did wrapped up in your arms
Someone asked me if I knew anything about war
I replied that it felt as if bombs exploded in my chest any time you neared
They wondered if I wanted to explore the world one day, but all I longed to wander were the arches in your back and the cracks in your skin.
When they told me I was crazy for loving winter, I laughed-if only they knew it was because I was never cold when you were at my side.
Now if they ask me about home all I can picture is me in bed without anyone to hold
And my only source of safety is the pills I take to forget about your face
When asked about the war I point to the bullet wounds that go right through my heart
Travel now intrigues me since it means I would be getting further away from you and our memories that were molded into the concrete of the city that we hate
And fuck they’ll always say I’m crazy, especially because they all know that I’m still insanely in love with you even after all the shit you’ve put me through

—guest check (via tragicinsanity)

(Source: , via tragicinsanity)

Never ignore a person that loves you, cares for you, and misses you. Because one day, you might wake up from your sleep and realize your lost the moon while counting the stars.

—thelovenotebook (via thelovenotebook)

Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person; Wait for the person who will be your best friend, the only person who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances, for the person who makes you smile like no one else and when they smile you know they need you. Wait for the person who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats and a t-shirt, but appreciates it when you get dressed up for them. And most of all wait for the person who will put you at the center of their universe, because that’s where you belong.

—thelovenotebook (via thelovenotebook)

I just want something beautiful. I wanna look in your eyes. I wanna listen to you sing my favorite song and cry. I wanna reach into your oceans. I wanna calm your sea and your storms. I wanna let you take a hold of this sinking ship and lead me home. I wanna pack up and move with you, and never look behind. I wanna take your hand as we chase down the skyline. I wanna tell you my stories, and wake you up in the middle of the night. I want you to tell me I’m wrong. And I just want you to smile at me when I’m right.

—thelovenotebook (via thelovenotebook)

Everyone says that love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again.

—thelovenotebook (via thelovenotebook)